We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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