So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
