FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
