Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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