Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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