im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
