Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
