This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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