Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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