I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
