Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
