You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
