I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I want her autograph on my taint
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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