do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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