OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
