i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
