when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
