forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
