Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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