i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
