doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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