I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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