you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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