The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
