So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
