which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
