Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
