Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize