Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
