bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
