Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
