theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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