I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
