Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
