I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
