remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
