I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
