the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I touched a dick in church today
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
