We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
