This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
