I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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