I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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