ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
