I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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