so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
