listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
