To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
