I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
