This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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