You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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