my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize