What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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