There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
