Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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