First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
