o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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