My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
