he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize