thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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