Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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