I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
