its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
