i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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