On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Someone signed my nipple.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
