Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
