if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
