Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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