on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
