GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
