At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
