I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
