The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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