he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
