he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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